The Epistle to the Ephesians
Lesson 11
The Spirit-Filled Family
Ephesians 5:1-6:9

Introduction
Sadly, we are living at a time when God and the Bible are honored and obeyed by very few homes. Nevertheless, thinking people everywhere readily acknowledge that a happy, well-managed home is the backbone of civilization.

It is interesting to note that that fact does not escape the apostle Paul. Rather, in this Epistle to the Ephesians, he denotes almost a complete chapter to the problems and responsibilities of members of families.

You will notice, of course, that I call this lesson “The Spirit-Filled Family.” That is exactly what Paul emphasizes in this passage. In Ephesians 5:18, he writes, “and be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit.” He then proceeds to describe in general the normal actions of Christians who are filled with the Spirit. He speaks to wives, husbands, children, fathers, servants and masters in particular.

Please understand there is no way we can discuss and find solutions to all the difficult problems in the home and among people in today’s society in one short lesson. However, I believe and I pray that the lesson will prove to be a valuable blessing to you.

Importance of this Lesson

• I wrote this lesson to help you understand this chapter in Ephesians, and to help you develop and establish a truly happy home.
• The lesson does not describe how things are in the average home of today and in society in general but how things should be in a family that is dedicated to God, in a family in which the members submit to each other. The Holy Spirit controls such a marriage and family.

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The Lesson

I. THE WIFE WHO IS FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT
You must remember that when Paul writes about the filling of the Spirit, he has in mind every member of the family. Wives, husbands, children, fathers, servants, and masters should all speak to themselves in Psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. All of them should sing and make melody in their hearts to the Lord. All of them should give thanks always for all things and all of them should submit themselves one to another in the fear of God.

Therefore, while Paul strongly teaches submission of wives to their husbands, we must remember that every believer who is filled with the Spirit must submit to others as a way of life.

The phrase “in the fear of God” (Ephesians 5:21), provides the basis and the reason for submission to each other. If we all held God in such high respect that we would not purposely displease Him in any way, we would all gladly submit to His will in the way we live with others.

1. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22).
   1. It seems that in the time of Paul it was necessary for the wife to be completely loyal to her husband. The phrase “your own husband,” is found in Ephesians 5:24, Colossians 3:18, and 1 Peter 3:1,5.
      Why? Why is this necessary? Why does Paul call for this complete obedience and loyalty to one
      man? Remember that in this passage of scripture, Paul teaches that the connection between husband and
      wife is like the connection of Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5:32). Wives are warned to submit to their husbands in the same way as Christ wants His bride to submit to Him and to be loyal and clean (Ephesians 5:27).
2. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything (Ephesians 5:24).
   1. The phrase “in everything” raises a problem. We must limit the phrase to everything that is not against to the will of God as we find it in the Bible. A holy God could not and would not ask a wife to submit to sinful commands by a proud, husband who acts like a boss.
   2. The wife who is filled with the Spirit will always remember the first part of Ephesians 5:24, “Therefore, as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands….” Every believer who is filled with the Spirit is completely obedient to Christ. This is the example the wife must follow.
3. …and the wife, see that she reverence her husband (Ephesians 5:33).
   The thought here is that it is the responsibility of the wife who is filled with the Spirit to show respect for her husband as the person God ordained as the leader of the family. She should never take his authority. She should never disobey God’s laws for a happy family that is filled with the Spirit.
4. Why must wives submit to their husbands?
   Man’s authority was established in the Garden of Eden.
   1. Satan deceived Eve (Genesis 3:1-6).
   2. Eve gave the forbidden fruit to Adam (Genesis 3:6).
   3. Because of this God said to Eve, “In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee” (Genesis 3:16).
   4. The woman was deceived, not Adam. “Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression” (1 Timothy 2:11-14).
   5. God made the woman to help the man (Genesis 2:18, 1 Corinthians 11:9). God made the woman out of the man, not the man out of the woman (Genesis 2:23). God placed the woman in a place of obedience to her husband because Satan deceived her. Satan did not deceive Adam. Eve led the way to the fall and ruin of the human race (1 Timothy 2:11-14).
   6. “Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11). In other words, both need each other, and as you will see, the man has a great responsibility toward his wife.

II. THE HUSBAND WHO IS FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT
We must remember that Paul is not talking about sinful, unscriptural actions between a husband and wife in the marriage. Many people who say they are Christians today act sinfully toward their husbands or wives today. They do not live as God intended them to live. Paul stresses that the wives and husbands must allow the Holy Spirit to fill them and to lead them. That is the only way they can reach perfection in a marriage.

1. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church… (Ephesians 5:23). This is a great privilege a heavy responsibility!
   1. In what way is Christ the head of the Church?
      1. Remember that Christ bought the Church with His own blood (Acts 20:28).
      2. After the crucifixion God raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His own right hand. God put all things under His feet and gave Him to be head over all things to the Church, which is His body… (Ephesians 1:20-23). “And He is the head of the body, the church…that in all things He might have the preeminence” (Colossians 1:18).
   2. The phrase “even as” is very important because the way Christ is head over all things to the Church, in the same way the husband who is filled with the Spirit must take complete responsibility for the marriage. He must take leadership in the marriage.
2. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it (Ephesians 5:25).
   1. Again, the phrase “even as” is of very great importance here.
      1. Marriage is not a one way street. Yes, women must submit to their husbands. A husband must love his wife so tenderly and completely that she will gladly yield to her husband’s authority.
      2. In what way did Christ love the Church? “He gave Himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25). He made the complete sacrifice. He shed His blood and laid down His life for it. The husband who is filled with the Spirit should love his wife so much that he will lay down his life for her if that is necessary.
      3. Remember, that in Ephesians 5:21, Paul said “submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” In 1 Peter 5:5, Peter wrote “…yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility; for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.”
   2. Submission, then, must be a way of life for the husband or wife who is filled with the Spirit. Each of them must understand the responsibility God placed upon them.
3. “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies…” (Ephesians 5:28).
   1. What an interesting, obvious thing Paul includes here! Every man cares for his own body tenderly, and completely. He takes care of every bruise, lump, scratch, wound or irritation. Now note: Paul writes, “For no man ever yet hated his own flesh but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church” (Ephesians 5:29).
   2. Husbands must care for their wives like they take care of their own bodies. They must do this with the same tenderness and completeness in which the Lord cares for the Church. In fact, God sees the husband and wife as “one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31; Genesis 2:24).
   3. Ephesians 5:33 is an excellent way to close this section on the connection between the husband and the wife. “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

III. SPIRIT-FILLED CHILDREN
You must remember that we are discussing here the place and responsibility of children in a family filled and blessed with the Holy Spirit.

You will note in the text that no age of children is mentioned. Children that grow up in a home where people respect and honor God and where the Spirit directs them, often make a profession of faith and come to know the Lord early in life. Children such as Samuel (1 Samuel 2:18, 3:19), Jeremiah (Jeremiah 1:5), and John the Baptist (Luke 1:41-45,66,76,77,80), knew the Lord from the womb and began to serve Him early in life.

1. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). In Colossians 3:20, Paul writes, “Children obey your parents in all things; for this is well pleasing to the Lord.”
   1. Again, we can clearly see the fact that obedience is a way of life in a home that is filled with the Spirit. All of us must submit one to another. We must clothe ourselves with humility (1 Peter 5:5). Wives must submit themselves to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22) and children must submit themselves to their parents (Ephesians 6:1).
   2. Paul says with emphasis, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). Obey because it is the right thing to do in the eyes of God. There is only one thing to do about anything and that is the right thing.
   3. Parents in a Christian home must remind their children that Christ was a child at one time and that He obeyed His parents completely. “And He went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them…” (Luke 2:51). What a wonderful example for all children in a Christian home!
2. “Honor thy father and thy mother; which is the first commandment with promise” (Ephesians 6:2).
   1. To honor your father and mother is the 5th of the ten great commandments God gave to Israel (Exodus 20:12). Christians are not living “under the law,” but the 10 commandments show the righteous will of God and for that reason Christians must obey them. This should be impressed on every child in a Christian home.
   2. The 5th commandment is the first commandment that carries a special promise: “that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee” (Exodus 20:12; Deuteronomy 5:16).
   3. It is interesting to note that in Romans 1:29-30, the apostle Paul lists “disobedience to parents” as among the lowest and worst of sins. Wise parents remind their children what God thinks of disobedience.
   4. Disobedience of children is also listed as one of the signs of the last days before Christ returns
      (2 Timothy 3:2).
3. That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth (Ephesians 6:3).
   Without question, God honors the child who honors his parents. Perhaps nothing brings greater shame and heartache to Christian parents than rebellious and disobedient children.

IV. FATHERS WHO ARE FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath; but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).

1. It is a cruel thing to bring children into this world and then fail to teach them in the ways and Word of God.
2. One of the greatest privileges and responsibilities of parents is to train, and teach their children in the scriptures.
3. While wives must certainly take part in child training, the husband bears the greatest responsibility for this.
4. Note the following:
   1. “Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him” (Psalm 103:13).
   2. “as a man chasteneth his son, so the Lord thy God chasteneth thee” (Deuteronomy 8:5).
   3. “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes” (Proverbs 13:24).
   4. “If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?” (Hebrews 12:7).
5. Children need teaching and discipline. Note these verses:
   1. “The rod and reproof give wisdom; but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame” (Proverbs 29:15).
   2. “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him” (Proverbs 22:15).
   3. “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).
6. When it comes to the training and discipline of children, fathers and mothers need to remember two things:
   1. That the training and advice must be “of the Lord.” In other words parents must do it under the control and direction of the Holy Spirit. They must do it in the name of the Lord and as unto the Lord. They must do it for the glory of the Lord. Parents must assure the child of their love and prayer at the end of any discipline.
   2. The discipline should not be so severe or hard to produce anger in the child (Colossians 3:21). The Holy Spirit must control the discipline. A parent must show love and firmness in discipline. He must always discipline in the same way for violations of a rule.

V. SERVANTS AND MASTERS WHO ARE FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT
To close this lesson, I have put servants and masters together. There is little need for a lengthy discussion.
In the time of the New Testament, it was normal to have servants who worked in the home or in the fields. The master was most likely the father or head of the household.

Here we are looking at the others who might possibly be involved in the home lives of Christians who are filled with the Spirit.

1. Servants (Ephesians 6:5-8)
   1. You will note immediately that again Paul puts the emphasis on obedience. “Servants, be obedient to them who are your masters…” (Ephesians 6:5).
      1. Children must obey their parents, servants must obey their masters, wives must submit to their husbands as Sarah obeyed Abraham (1 Peter 3:6), and husbands must submit to Christ.
      2. Remember that submission one to another is a mark of a Christian who is filled with the Spirit
         (Ephesians 5:21).
   2. “With fear and trembling” (Ephesians 6:5). The fear here is fear of failure. The fear of not pleasing your master. The fear of not fulfilling your responsibility.
   3. “In singleness of your heart as unto Christ” (Ephesians 6:5). We should do everything we do “as unto Christ” no matter what kind of work we do or what our status in life is (Colossians 3:23).
      Illustration: Someone told a story about William Carey, the missionary God used in India in such a powerful way. A man asked him in an insulting manner, “What is your business?” Mr. Carey replied “My business is serving the Lord. I make shoes to pay my expenses.”
   4. “Not with eyeservice as men pleasers” (Ephesians 6:6). Paul here has in mind workers who work only when people are watching. Such Christian servants must remember that they are servants of Christ first of all and must do the will of God from the heart.
      • It is good to remember that there is no loss of honor in being a servant. God does not judge us according to how well we are educated, or according to how much money we have. God does not judge us according to our place of importance among people. God judges us by how faithfully we fulfill our responsibility in the work He has given us to do.
   5. “Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free” (Ephesians 6:8).
2. Masters (Ephesians 6:9)
   “ And, ye masters, do the same things unto them.” In other words, Christian masters must treat servants in the same spirit they expect from their servants.
   1. In God’s eyes there is “no respect of persons” (Ephesians 6:9). Masters must give an account to their “Master in heaven.” In other words, God is not partial. Every one is responsible to fulfill his responsibility as a servant of Christ.
   2. Forbearing threatening: Masters must remember that those Christian servants who work for him are not only workers. They, too, are servants of Christ and responsible to God for their actions. “Masters, give unto your servants that which is just and equal; knowing that ye also have a Master in heaven” (Colossians 4:1).
      

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